IF THE NEXT PRESIDENT WERE A DOG

Since there are a few dogs out there running for President of the United States, I thought I would let everyone out there know how it would be different if the next President were a dog.

  • There would be a doggy door in the oval office
  • At press conferences, instead of “Mr. President,” reporters would shout, “Here fella!”
  • Goodbye Whitewater Scandal, hello Toilet Bowl Water Scandal.
  • The Washington Monument would be replaced with a hundred-story fire hydrant.
  • The United States might have a more coherent foreign policy.
  • Public Enemy #1 would be that neutering bastard Bob Barker.
  • The secret service and the CIA (Canine Intelligence Agency) would be dispatched to catch that little chuck wagon.
  • The Country would really be run by the dog’s smarter poodle wife.
  • Here’s your new national anthem: (videotape of dog barking the x-mas jingle).
  • One word: Snausage Gate.

Think this clever post was written by me, do you? Nope, it was stolen from David Letterman on The Late Show on his July 8, 1994 broadcast.

I think I would like to add one more…The Senate would pass a bill for more naps.

Tuffy, since you are running for President, what do you think would be different if you were President?

Does anyone have anything to add if the next President were a dog?

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14 Comments on “IF THE NEXT PRESIDENT WERE A DOG”


  1. If our next President was a dog, tongues would wag!

    HA….That’s a good one! I like that. I don’t think that can be topped!

    Kathryn

  2. Toni Says:

    That’s good! Thanks!!

    Toni


  3. Moppet is all for passing the bill on taking more naps, being he is a professional nap taker.


  4. If the next President were a dog, he would be a loyal best friend to the people of our country and that sure would be a good change.

  5. Gina Says:

    That was a great post!!! Thanks for the free press. You know campaign ads are going for millions now and I can’t afford it.
    Your next presdient,
    Tuffy

    You are welcome. Looks like I am now your press secretary and will be head of the CIA.

    Jonesy

  6. TheAgedCat Says:

    [lol] Snausage Gate!

    “Walkies!” would be the name of his national physical fitness initiative.

  7. Jaime Says:

    There would be, instead of deer-culling in multiple states, squirrel-culling in every state at all times throughout the year! Of course the rascally squirrels would never get caught becuase they are just too quick and agile. But there still would be a National Squirrel Culling Day if a doggie were President!

  8. Rocket Says:

    If the next president were a dog, we would all be allowed off-leash in every park and restarunt.

    If the next president were a dog, any man convicted of animal abuse would get his nuts whacked off!

    AMEN!

    Jonesy


  9. I am also running for President. There is actually nothing in the constitution that says that there can’t be more than 1 dog president. When I’m president, I’m banning lots of things, including (but not limited to) stupidity, lightning, storms, epilepsy. All my speeches will be no more than 3 minutes long and will end with cheese and bacon for all!

  10. Diana Evans Says:

    thanks for popping by…and I am happy that you like my art…

    you have a wonderful blog and I enjoyed the post today…I know many great dogs that would make a wonderful prez…

    Cheers,
    Diana

  11. Rusty Says:

    If a dog was president all the foreign leader dogs would have a round of butt sniffing, have a fun romp in the White House lawn then take a good nap together. After that every one would be friends.

    Good idea!

  12. jamesviscosi Says:

    this sownds like a reely good idea the first thing we shood do is make shoor evry dog has a pet rat then we shood owtlaw krates tuffy for president!!!! ok bye

    — dennis the vizsla

  13. Tasmaniac Says:

    Not just America but I think the doggies of the world would do a far better job than most of our politicians do. Especially the Poodle wife.
    Regards from self confessed Poodle lover. 🙂

  14. Buddy Boy Says:

    Hi, I am Buddy Boy Mertens and I am running for the Canine National Party. I just love your “If the Next President Were a Dog”. Can I use it on my site and link it back to you? Besides the website you can read more about Buddy on http://www.squidoo.com/election_dog and http://www.squidoo.com/doggonemissedopportunity

    A dog president would be the prefect candidate, because he would shed on lies!


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